


When you're lost, I'll find the way, I'll be your light, you'll never feel like you're alone, I'll make this feel like home

by SilverShadow1



Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV)
Genre: Attraction, Comfort, Coming Out, Coming of Age, Developing Relationship, First Love, Inspired by 13 Reasons Why (TV), Love, M/M, Outing, Supportive!Charlie, sexual awakening
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-06
Updated: 2020-07-06
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:27:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25116868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverShadow1/pseuds/SilverShadow1
Summary: “You could have told me, you know.”“There was nothing to tell, Jess. I’m still figuring shit out myself, no thanks to Ani, Clay and Zach who outed me at different points.”“Still. Even if you were questioning things, I would’ve gladly listened.”ORAlex sets Jessica straight when she confronts him on the camping trip. Set after s4e4.
Relationships: Charlie St. George/Alex Standall
Comments: 11
Kudos: 78





	When you're lost, I'll find the way, I'll be your light, you'll never feel like you're alone, I'll make this feel like home

**Author's Note:**

> Two house-keeping notes:
> 
> 1) This is a branch-off of my other story: "I need somebody to tell me it'll be alright, somebody to tell me it'll be just fine." I suppose you can read this fic on its own, but parts of it make more sense contextually if you've already read that one.
> 
> 2) I decided not to make this the "chapter 2" to that story because I really wanted to use this title. It's taken from "Home" by One Direction, and I strongly suggest listening to it before or after you read this story. The lyrics apply in a big way to how I view Charlie and Alex's relationship.

When Alex woke up in that godforsaken tent the next morning, he felt tingly and warm. Not how he got when he was overheated or his leg acted up on him. This time, it was different. It wasn’t from something.

It was from someone.

_ Charlie St. George _ , to be precise.

Alex couldn’t help the smile that started to creep in and settle on his face as he reflected on their talk last night. In spite of all the terrible shit he learned yesterday and the fact that now he had to deal with all of his friends knowing his business, he felt good.

Well, maybe feeling “good” was a stretch. He felt seen, though, and not in the way that he normally hated or the way that made his skin crawl.

“Someone slept well.”

Alex looked over and saw Charlie was nearly finished packing his belongings into his duffel bag.

That was also when he noticed Charlie was shirtless.

Fuck, he looked good. Alex found his eyes briefly wandering down Charlie’s toned torso - unlike his scrawny one - until he reached his pants-line and -

His eyes snapped up immediately and he felt his face burn. If Charlie noticed his gaze, he was polite enough to pretend that he didn’t. Still, Alex swore he saw the slightest smile on his face and a pink dusting on his cheeks.

Huh.

“Uh, yeah,” he stammered, realizing he never actually answered Charlie. “Guess I was tired after yesterday and slept better than usual.”

“That’s good,” said Charlie with a smile. Alex averted his eyes as the other boy put on a T-shirt. “Zach already left, by the way. Said he wanted first dibs on the sausage links.”

Alex snorted, throwing off his sleeping bag.

“More like he didn’t want to take down the tent.”

Charlie’s mouth fell into an “O” shape and Alex chuckled. He was grateful when Charlie busied himself, probably knowing Alex was now hesitant to change in front of him.

There was that warm feeling again.

It wasn’t long until everything was put away and they were working on taking apart their tent that they heard someone clear their throat.

“Morning,” said Alex, skeptically.

“Hey,” said Jessica. She looked at Charlie, who watched the exchange between them while he took out the rods, and then she looked at Alex. “Can we talk?”

“About what?” he asked, though he was certain he knew. He expected her, but hoped it would wait until they were at least back home.

She fixed him with a look and then looked pointedly at Charlie.

“I can -” Charlie began, but Alex shook his head.

“Anything you want to say to me, you can say in front of Charles.”

Jessica pursed her lips and nodded. Then:

“You could have told me, you know.”

There it was. He scoffed.

“There was nothing to tell, Jess,” he said, wearily. “I’m still figuring shit out myself, no thanks to Ani, Clay and Zach who outed me at different points.”

She had the decency - shouldn’t everyone? - to look sympathetic, but she still continued.

“Still,” she said. “Even if you were questioning things, I would’ve gladly listened.”

Alex looked at her, debating something in his mind. Finally, deciding to fuck it, he exhaled.

“Don’t get mad.”

“Not a great way to start, dude.”

“I’m not saying our situations are even remotely the same.”

“That’s good.”

“However,” he continued like she hadn’t spoken. “What would you have said if someone told you that you could have talked to them before you were ready? Essentially making you feel guilty for not working on their timeframe?”

Jess was silent. Alex felt Charlie’s eyes trained on him, all previous movements ceased.

“I’d have told them to fuck off.”

“Right,” he said. She looked hurt, so he added, “I’ll give you a break this once, though, since I know you’re well-intentioned.”

Suddenly, he could smell her hair as she pulled him into a tight hug. Alex returned it by wrapping his arms around her waist, resting his chin in the crook of her neck.

“I’m really sorry that I ambushed you and played the guilt card. It wasn’t cool,” she whispered. “I’m also sorry about Winston.”

“Thanks,” he said. When they pulled apart, he added, “Guys suck, huh?”

That got a genuine laugh from her and a chuckle from Charlie. He turned and smiled slightly at the other boy, who returned it. When he turned back to Jess, her eyes were alive with intrigue. She stayed silent, though, when he gave her a look.

“You almost ready to go, kids?” asked Deputy Standall, appearing beside them.

“Yes, sir,” said Alex, immediately.

“I should get back and help with the tent,” said Jessica. She squeezed his bicep and then gave him a smile before walking back to her group.

“You good, buddy?”

“Yeah, Dad. We’ll be along in a minute.”

That left him and Charlie alone again. Alex was … weirdly glad that Charlie was there during his conversation with Jessica. It felt less intimidating for whatever reason. Like someone was in his corner even though he knew that Jessica wasn’t out to pick a fight, even though her common sense left little to be desired.

“What?” asked Alex, suddenly self-conscious when he noticed Charlie staring at him.

“It’s … nothing,” said Charlie, rubbing the back of his neck. “I just appreciate you trusting me. You didn’t have to tell me to stay. I would’ve understood if you wanted privacy, I’m -”

“Charles,” said Alex, offering him a smile. “You’re rambling. Besides,” he added. “We’re friends, right? Friends trust friends, and I trust you. I did before, but especially after last night. You were there for me and I appreciate it.”

Charlie beamed at him and Alex thought he could get used to that smile.

_ Fuck _ .

“You’re still staring,” pointed out Alex five minutes later, and Charlie shrugged.

“I suppose I’m also proud of you.”

Alex’s eyebrows shot up in surprise.

“Proud of me? You’re younger than me.”

“What does that have to do with anything?” said Charlie, laughing. “The way you handled things with Jessica … she’s scary as hell. I couldn’t ever.”

Alex smirked.

“She is,” he agreed. “But we’re friends for ages and we did date.”

“What was that like?” said Charlie, suddenly.

Alex surveyed him for a moment, contemplating his answer.

“You know …” he trailed off for a moment. “You know the feeling when you think that you should like someone or something? And you do … you might even love them, but there’s still a crucial part missing? Like there’s something missing in the other person’s eyes?”

“That’s how it felt, looking back,” he said. “She was the first person that I loved, or thought I loved. I’m pretty sure I didn’t know how to love without it being superseded by the need to protect her.”

“That’s love, too.”

“It is,” he said, “but not when everything rides on it. You want to protect your friends, too, but it’s a different sort of love. That’s how I love Jess. I want what’s best for her and that wasn’t me.”

Charlie nodded, the two of them standing there with nothing left to do with their hands now that everything was packed away.

“Go ahead,” said Alex, certain Charlie was debating himself about his next question.

“Did you love Winston?”

“No,” he said, easily. “He was - or I thought he was - a good person. Someone that I thought could help me understand the parts of myself that I didn’t realize existed until when I was around him. Maybe I would have eventually loved him, or maybe not.”

“I think you can do much better than him,” said Charlie as they walked to the bus.

Alex arched an eyebrow.

“I sincerely disagree, but appreciate the attempt at blowing smoke up my ass.”

Charlie shook his head, almost looked dejected.

“You sell yourself short, Alex. It’s not fair to you or anyone else. You deserve love.”

Charlie gave him a smile and jogged over to the other football guys who called his name. Alex watched him go, feeling more thrown by Charlie’s last words than anything else said that morning.

***

Later that night as he laid in bed, Charlie’s words reverberated in his mind. Before he could second-guess himself, he took out his phone and opened a new message draft.

_ Maybe I sell myself short … but how can I deserve love if I don’t know how to give it _ ?

He closed his phone and placed it on his chest. Less than five minutes later, he felt it buzz and his heart rate quickened. He unlocked it with shaky hands.

**Love is the most imperfect thing there is, but just because you’re not sure how to give it, it doesn’t mean you love someone any less. It’s not always a grand gesture like in movies - though, I’m a sucker for those, if I’m honest. It can be little things like doing something you know your partner enjoys, listening to them even when you don’t understand, asking them to text you when they get home so you know they’re safe, holding their hand to keep them grounded. There’s no hard and fast rule, but even if you don’t think you know how to love, you always deserve it. All people deserve it. Without love, we’re lost. We’ve seen the type of person it can make someone** .

Alex laid there, stunned at the message he received.

_ Thank you, Charles. Sleep well _ .

**You’re welcome :) Pleasant dreams, Alex** .

As Alex locked his phone and turned off his light, he smiled to himself.

He was certain they would be pleasant now.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this semi-follow up! I'm not sure if you caught the little easter egg I left in Charlie's text, but I specifically gave "examples of love" that I've written about Chalex doing in my other fics.
> 
> As always, kudos and comments are appreciated!


End file.
